Binge eating is a struggle that many people face, often leaving them feeling out of control and frustrated. What’s worse is that for some of us, we keep trying new things, spending a fortune on finding a solution, but nothing seems to work.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why can’t I stop eating?”, you’re not alone. This blog will shed light on one of the hidden causes of binge eating and provides a fresh perspective on why traditional approaches might not be working for you.
Understanding the Root Cause of Binge Eating
Binge eating is not simply a lack of willpower or an addiction to food (although there is truth to food addiction but that’s a separate topic). Rather, it’s a complex behaviour deeply rooted in how our nervous system responds to stress and emotions. The key to understanding why you can’t stop eating lies in recognising the role of your nervous system in driving this behaviour.
In simple terms, think of your nervous system as your body’s control centre. When it’s regulated, you feel calm, focused, and in control. Your mind will be in a more peaceful state, and in instances where you may feel an urge to binge, you’ll be in a position to say no as you have conscious control – you are in the drivers seat and capable of making the right decision. In science terms we refer to this as the ventral vagal state.
In comparison, when your nervous system is dysregulated, your mind is likely working overtime. You might find yourself constantly thinking about your next meal. You may also get very stuck in your mind, ruminating for long periods. You may feel anxious, worried, inadequate, emotional, reactive or the opposite, shut down, overwhelmed, lonely, tired, lethargic, hopeless and/or depressed. Your ability to make conscious decisions is impaired. You’re more likely to resort to coping mechanisms like binge eating. This often happens because you can’t handle the discomfort of feeling that way. This is when you self-sabotage. This is when you lose control and the reason for that is simple – you are no longer in control: Your body is in the drivers seat and you’re not in charge of your decisions. In science terms we may refer to this as the dorsal vagal or sympathetic state.
Nervous system dysregulation can show up in many different ways and this is an oversimplified way of looking at it, but it gives you a general overview of how it manifests in your life. I also want this to show you that there is a way out, you are not doomed to keep feeling this way for the rest of your life and you are most certainly not broken or unfixable.
The importance of Addressing Nervous System Dysregulation
Understanding this connection between your nervous system and eating behaviours is the first step towards breaking the binge eating cycle and is crucial because:
- It explains why traditional approaches like diets or willpower fail for some but not for others
- It helps you understand that your obsession with food might not be related to food
- It helps you shift your focus from self-judgement and shame to compassion & understanding.
- It opens the door to more effective, long-lasting solutions.
- It can help improve both your mental and physical health
The Origin of Nervous System Dysregulation
Many people develop a dysregulated nervous system due to adverse childhood experiences or trauma. Before you go ‘but I didn’t have an adverse childhood’ or ‘I didn’t experience any trauma in my life’, it’s important to note that what society teaches us to be trauma, and what trauma really is, are very different things. Society often refers to trauma as something very serious. This might include being involved in a severe car accident, various forms of assault, or experiences of combat or war. But the truth is, trauma occurs when you experience a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness in the face of an event or situation. In these moments, when your feelings aren’t validated and you don’t receive the support and comfort you need, the experience can become traumatic. I’m willing to bet you have experienced this at one or many points in your life. It’s estimated that 70% of our population is affected.
So, to give you some examples of how this can show up in your childhood, I have provided you with a list of what we call small ‘t’ traumas below. This is not extensive, but hopefully you’ll get the picture:
- Bullying / public humiliation
- Witnessing domestic abuse
- Loss of a parent / parents divorce
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent
- Parent with mental health issues
- Physical and emotional neglect
- Frequent moving or changes in childhood
- Feeling misunderstood or invalidated
- Parental pressure
These experiences, especially when repeated over time, can shape how our nervous system responds to stress.
How Childhood Experiences Shape Our Nervous System
Imagine a child who was bullied at school. In those moments of bullying, their body goes into a state of high alert – heart racing, muscles tensing, feeling anxious and powerless. Often, children are taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, so after the event they put on a brave face and push down their feelings. Without the opportunity to process these emotions, the body stores the physiological response as a memory.
Years later, as an adult, they encounter a situation at work where a colleague makes a joke at their expense. Even though the situation seems harmless, their nervous system recognises similar patterns – feeling singled out or humiliated. This triggers the stored memory, causing their body to react as if they’re back in that schoolyard – heart racing, muscles tensing, feeling anxious. To cope with these overwhelming sensations and buried emotions, they might turn to food as a way to self-soothe, temporarily numbing the discomfort and creating a sense of safety. This is how a childhood experience, combined with learned emotional suppression, can continue to impact present-day behaviours, creating a trigger that leads to binge or emotional eating as a coping mechanism.
Here’s a short summary of how you would go from trigger – binge:
A) A trigger occurs (i.e. stress, criticism, fatigue, loneliness, not feeling good enough…)
B) Your body reacts to the trigger and the state of your nervous system changes
C) You go out of your “window of tolerance” and lose all willpower
E) You resort to a learned coping mechanism (binge eating)
B) Temporarily, you feel soothed and safe
We shall refer to this as the trigger-dysregulation-binge cycle.
Your “window of tolerance” is the zone where you’re able to function most effectively. When you’re within this window, you can respond to life’s challenges without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. You’ll have control. Being outside your window of tolerance means your nervous system is in a state of dysregulation and you lose control (i.e. you’ll self-sabotage). As you practice regulation techniques and develop self-awareness, you’ll find that this window gradually expands. This means you’ll be able to handle more stress without resorting to binge eating (this is the long term goal!).
What does food have to do with this?
It’s helpful to understand that your nervous system’s primary function is to keep you safe. Even when it leads to behaviours you’d rather avoid, like binge eating, it’s acting out of a deep-rooted instinct for survival. When you binge eat, your nervous system is attempting to soothe you. In doing so, it creates a sense of safety, albeit in a way that may not serve you in the long term. This coping mechanism was likely developed early in life when your options for self-soothing were limited. Your body learned that food could provide comfort and a temporary feeling of security. Consequently, even as an adult with more resources, your nervous system still reverts to this familiar pattern when it perceives a threat to your well-being.
Food is a particularly powerful coping tool because:
- It’s readily available and provides immediate gratification.
- Eating triggers the release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain.
- Certain foods, especially those high in sugar and fat, can temporarily boost mood and energy.
- The act of eating can be a distraction from uncomfortable emotions or situations.
Recognising this can help you understand that in the situations where your dysregulated nervous system causes you to self-sabotage, your body is trying its best to protect you, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
It’s crucial to approach this understanding with self-compassion. Recognising these patterns doesn’t mean blaming yourself or your past; rather, it’s about understanding why your body responds the way it does and learning how to support it better.
By addressing the root cause – nervous system dysregulation – you can break the cycle of binge eating and develop a healthier relationship with food and your body.
Now that you understand the importance of addressing nervous system dysregulation, let’s explore how you can start recognising this pattern in your own life. These initial steps can help you begin to understand your own behaviours and triggers. By developing this awareness, you’ll be taking the first crucial steps towards answering the question, ‘Why can’t I stop eating?’ and paving the way for lasting change.
Developing Self-Awareness: Your first step to breaking the cycle
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of change. By tuning into your body and mind, you can learn to recognise dysregulation and also notice how your state changes throughout the day. Over time, you might start to see patterns which provide you with helpful clues leading you to identify your triggers.
Here’s how to begin:
Step 1: Set Regular Check-ins:
Start with 2-3 scheduled check-ins daily. Use phone reminders if needed. Gradually, these check-ins will become more natural and frequent.
Step 2: Practice a bodyscan
Check your BASE-line (B = Breath, A = Actions, S = Sensations, E = Emotions).
- Breath: turn your attention to your breath and try to notice your breathing pattern. Are your breaths short and shallow or deep and calm? Do remember there is no right or wrong here, you’re free to use your own words as long as they make sense to you.
- Actions: Do you notice any movement in your body like racing thoughts, tapping feet, clenching fists, a noisy tummy, pounding in your chest, a desire to move
- Sensations: Can you notice any sensations, i.e. tingling, warmth, cold, pain, pressure
- Emotions: Put a name to your current emotional state. Are you feeling anxious, lonely, overwhelmed, ashamed, content, gratitude, excitement, joy, energised, listless? Remember, there are no “bad” emotions, we’re simply doing this to notice how you feel, there’s no judgement here.
Step 3: Track your Energy:
Notice your energetic state and how it fluctuates throughout the day. Do you feel light, heavy, focused, scattered, vibrant, dull, social, anti-social? This can provide insights into your nervous system state.
Remember, our culture encourages us to ignore our body’s signals. The diet industry tells us to suppress hunger and push through discomfort. Our friends teach us to toughen up and ignore our emotions. Healing involves unlearning these habits and relearning to trust your body (which is a lot wiser than you might think). Be patient with yourself – this is a skill that develops over time.
As you practice self-awareness, you may uncover uncomfortable emotions or sensations. This is normal and part of the healing process. If it feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support.
By developing self-awareness, you’re taking the first crucial step towards understanding why you can’t stop eating and paving the way for lasting change. You’re not just breaking a habit; you’re rebuilding your relationship with your body and yourself.
My personal journey:
To illustrate how this understanding can lead to transformation, I’d like to share my own journey with you.
My path to understanding nervous system dysregulation wasn’t a straight line. In fact, I stumbled upon it quite by accident. For years, I lived in a fog of constant rumination, self-judgment, and emotional eating. My mind was a never-ending carousel of regret and anxiety, and food was my go-to comfort. Little did I know, this was my dysregulated nervous system at work.
The turning point came unexpectedly. Through a mix-up, I found myself booked into a yoga teacher training in South Africa (I was meant to be on a relaxing retreat). For three weeks, I was immersed in a world of twice daily breathing exercises, meditation, mantra singing, and yoga classes.
What happened next was nothing short of transformative. The constant chatter in my mind began to quiet. The compulsion to turn to food practically disappeared. It was as if a bubble I’d been trapped in my whole life suddenly popped and I could finally see the world with my eyes wide open. For the first time, I experienced a sense of calm and peace I never knew existed.
Surrounded by beautiful, supportive people, I felt truly seen, heard, and loved – perhaps for the first time in my life. The contrast between this state and my usual way of being was stark and eye-opening.
It wasn’t until later, when I delved deeper into the science of yoga and its effects on the nervous system, that I understood what had happened. The practices I’d been doing were powerfully regulating, addressing years of dysregulation stemming from childhood experiences I hadn’t even recognised as trauma.
This accidental discovery set me on a path of healing and understanding. It made me realise how many of us might be living with a dysregulated nervous system without even knowing it. My struggle with binge eating wasn’t about lack of willpower or self-control – it was my body’s misguided attempt to find balance and safety.
This experience showed me that change is possible, often in ways we least expect. It ignited a passion in me to share this knowledge, to help others understand that their struggles with food might have deeper roots – and that healing is within reach.
Summary:
If you’ve been struggling with binge eating, know that you’re not alone, and that it’s NOT your fault. Your body is doing its best to protect you, even if the methods aren’t serving you well. Here are some important take aways:
- Binge eating often stems from nervous system dysregulation, not lack of willpower.
- Childhood experiences, even seemingly minor ones, can shape our nervous system’s responses.
- Developing self-awareness is key to recognising your triggers and body signals.
- Healing involves reconnecting with your body and learning to trust it again.
- Change is possible, and you have the power to rewrite your relationship with food and yourself.
Be patient and kind to yourself on this journey and do not listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. You’re not just changing a habit; you’re healing on a deep level. Every step towards understanding and regulating your nervous system is a step towards freedom from binge eating. You’ve got this, and you’re worth the effort it takes to heal!
Further Reading
If you found this blog helpful, I encourage you to read:
“Beyond Hunger: How Your Body’s Quest for Safety Drives Binge Eating”
This article explores the various triggers that can lead to binge eating, deepening your understanding of your body’s responses. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to make lasting changes.
Binge eating is a struggle that many people face, often leaving them feeling out of control and frustrated. What’s worse is that for some of us, we keep trying new things, spending a fortune on finding a solution, but nothing seems to work.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why can’t I stop eating?”, you’re not alone. This blog will shed light on one of the hidden causes of binge eating and provides a fresh perspective on why traditional approaches might not be working for you.
Understanding the Root Cause of Binge Eating
Binge eating is not simply a lack of willpower or an addiction to food (although there is truth to food addiction but that’s a separate topic). Rather, it’s a complex behaviour deeply rooted in how our nervous system responds to stress and emotions. The key to understanding why you can’t stop eating lies in recognising the role of your nervous system in driving this behaviour.
In simple terms, think of your nervous system as your body’s control centre. When it’s regulated, you feel calm, focused, and in control. Your mind will be in a more peaceful state, and in instances where you may feel an urge to binge, you’ll be in a position to say no as you have conscious control – you are in the drivers seat and capable of making the right decision. In science terms we refer to this as the ventral vagal state.
In comparison, when your nervous system is dysregulated, your mind is likely working overtime. You might find yourself constantly thinking about your next meal. You may also get very stuck in your mind, ruminating for long periods. You may feel anxious, worried, inadequate, emotional, reactive or the opposite, shut down, overwhelmed, lonely, tired, lethargic, hopeless and/or depressed. Your ability to make conscious decisions is impaired. You’re more likely to resort to coping mechanisms like binge eating. This often happens because you can’t handle the discomfort of feeling that way. This is when you self-sabotage. This is when you lose control and the reason for that is simple – you are no longer in control: Your body is in the drivers seat and you’re not in charge of your decisions. In science terms we may refer to this as the dorsal vagal or sympathetic state.
Nervous system dysregulation can show up in many different ways and this is an oversimplified way of looking at it, but it gives you a general overview of how it manifests in your life. I also want this to show you that there is a way out, you are not doomed to keep feeling this way for the rest of your life and you are most certainly not broken or unfixable.
The importance of Addressing Nervous System Dysregulation
Understanding this connection between your nervous system and eating behaviours is the first step towards breaking the binge eating cycle and is crucial because:
- It explains why traditional approaches like diets or willpower fail for some but not for others
- It helps you understand that your obsession with food might not be related to food
- It helps you shift your focus from self-judgement and shame to compassion & understanding.
- It opens the door to more effective, long-lasting solutions.
- It can help improve both your mental and physical health
The Origin of Nervous System Dysregulation
Many people develop a dysregulated nervous system due to adverse childhood experiences or trauma. Before you go ‘but I didn’t have an adverse childhood’ or ‘I didn’t experience any trauma in my life’, it’s important to note that what society teaches us to be trauma, and what trauma really is, are very different things. Society often refers to trauma as something very serious. This might include being involved in a severe car accident, various forms of assault, or experiences of combat or war. But the truth is, trauma occurs when you experience a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness in the face of an event or situation. In these moments, when your feelings aren’t validated and you don’t receive the support and comfort you need, the experience can become traumatic. I’m willing to bet you have experienced this at one or many points in your life. It’s estimated that 70% of our population is affected.
So, to give you some examples of how this can show up in your childhood, I have provided you with a list of what we call small ‘t’ traumas below. This is not extensive, but hopefully you’ll get the picture:
- Bullying / public humiliation
- Witnessing domestic abuse
- Loss of a parent / parents divorce
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent
- Parent with mental health issues
- Physical and emotional neglect
- Frequent moving or changes in childhood
- Feeling misunderstood or invalidated
- Parental pressure
These experiences, especially when repeated over time, can shape how our nervous system responds to stress.
How Childhood Experiences Shape Our Nervous System
Imagine a child who was bullied at school. In those moments of bullying, their body goes into a state of high alert – heart racing, muscles tensing, feeling anxious and powerless. Often, children are taught that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, so after the event they put on a brave face and push down their feelings. Without the opportunity to process these emotions, the body stores the physiological response as a memory.
Years later, as an adult, they encounter a situation at work where a colleague makes a joke at their expense. Even though the situation seems harmless, their nervous system recognises similar patterns – feeling singled out or humiliated. This triggers the stored memory, causing their body to react as if they’re back in that schoolyard – heart racing, muscles tensing, feeling anxious. To cope with these overwhelming sensations and buried emotions, they might turn to food as a way to self-soothe, temporarily numbing the discomfort and creating a sense of safety. This is how a childhood experience, combined with learned emotional suppression, can continue to impact present-day behaviours, creating a trigger that leads to binge or emotional eating as a coping mechanism.
Here’s a short summary of how you would go from trigger – binge:
A) A trigger occurs (i.e. stress, criticism, fatigue, loneliness, not feeling good enough…)
B) Your body reacts to the trigger and the state of your nervous system changes
C) You go out of your “window of tolerance” and lose all willpower
E) You resort to a learned coping mechanism (binge eating)
B) Temporarily, you feel soothed and safe
We shall refer to this as the trigger-dysregulation-binge cycle.
Your “window of tolerance” is the zone where you’re able to function most effectively. When you’re within this window, you can respond to life’s challenges without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. You’ll have control. Being outside your window of tolerance means your nervous system is in a state of dysregulation and you lose control (i.e. you’ll self-sabotage). As you practice regulation techniques and develop self-awareness, you’ll find that this window gradually expands. This means you’ll be able to handle more stress without resorting to binge eating (this is the long term goal!).
What does food have to do with this?
It’s helpful to understand that your nervous system’s primary function is to keep you safe. Even when it leads to behaviours you’d rather avoid, like binge eating, it’s acting out of a deep-rooted instinct for survival. When you binge eat, your nervous system is attempting to soothe you. In doing so, it creates a sense of safety, albeit in a way that may not serve you in the long term. This coping mechanism was likely developed early in life when your options for self-soothing were limited. Your body learned that food could provide comfort and a temporary feeling of security. Consequently, even as an adult with more resources, your nervous system still reverts to this familiar pattern when it perceives a threat to your well-being.
Food is a particularly powerful coping tool because:
- It’s readily available and provides immediate gratification.
- Eating triggers the release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain.
- Certain foods, especially those high in sugar and fat, can temporarily boost mood and energy.
- The act of eating can be a distraction from uncomfortable emotions or situations.
Recognising this can help you understand that in the situations where your dysregulated nervous system causes you to self-sabotage, your body is trying its best to protect you, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
It’s crucial to approach this understanding with self-compassion. Recognising these patterns doesn’t mean blaming yourself or your past; rather, it’s about understanding why your body responds the way it does and learning how to support it better.
By addressing the root cause – nervous system dysregulation – you can break the cycle of binge eating and develop a healthier relationship with food and your body.
Now that you understand the importance of addressing nervous system dysregulation, let’s explore how you can start recognising this pattern in your own life. These initial steps can help you begin to understand your own behaviours and triggers. By developing this awareness, you’ll be taking the first crucial steps towards answering the question, ‘Why can’t I stop eating?’ and paving the way for lasting change.
Developing Self-Awareness: Your first step to breaking the cycle
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of change. By tuning into your body and mind, you can learn to recognise dysregulation and also notice how your state changes throughout the day. Over time, you might start to see patterns which provide you with helpful clues leading you to identify your triggers.
Here’s how to begin:
Step 1: Set Regular Check-ins:
Start with 2-3 scheduled check-ins daily. Use phone reminders if needed. Gradually, these check-ins will become more natural and frequent.
Step 2: Practice a bodyscan
Check your BASE-line (B = Breath, A = Actions, S = Sensations, E = Emotions).
- Breath: turn your attention to your breath and try to notice your breathing pattern. Are your breaths short and shallow or deep and calm? Do remember there is no right or wrong here, you’re free to use your own words as long as they make sense to you.
- Actions: Do you notice any movement in your body like racing thoughts, tapping feet, clenching fists, a noisy tummy, pounding in your chest, a desire to move
- Sensations: Can you notice any sensations, i.e. tingling, warmth, cold, pain, pressure
- Emotions: Put a name to your current emotional state. Are you feeling anxious, lonely, overwhelmed, ashamed, content, gratitude, excitement, joy, energised, listless? Remember, there are no “bad” emotions, we’re simply doing this to notice how you feel, there’s no judgement here.
Step 3: Track your Energy:
Notice your energetic state and how it fluctuates throughout the day. Do you feel light, heavy, focused, scattered, vibrant, dull, social, anti-social? This can provide insights into your nervous system state.
Remember, our culture encourages us to ignore our body’s signals. The diet industry tells us to suppress hunger and push through discomfort. Our friends teach us to toughen up and ignore our emotions. Healing involves unlearning these habits and relearning to trust your body (which is a lot wiser than you might think). Be patient with yourself – this is a skill that develops over time.
As you practice self-awareness, you may uncover uncomfortable emotions or sensations. This is normal and part of the healing process. If it feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support.
By developing self-awareness, you’re taking the first crucial step towards understanding why you can’t stop eating and paving the way for lasting change. You’re not just breaking a habit; you’re rebuilding your relationship with your body and yourself.
My personal journey:
To illustrate how this understanding can lead to transformation, I’d like to share my own journey with you.
My path to understanding nervous system dysregulation wasn’t a straight line. In fact, I stumbled upon it quite by accident. For years, I lived in a fog of constant rumination, self-judgment, and emotional eating. My mind was a never-ending carousel of regret and anxiety, and food was my go-to comfort. Little did I know, this was my dysregulated nervous system at work.
The turning point came unexpectedly. Through a mix-up, I found myself booked into a yoga teacher training in South Africa (I was meant to be on a relaxing retreat). For three weeks, I was immersed in a world of twice daily breathing exercises, meditation, mantra singing, and yoga classes.
What happened next was nothing short of transformative. The constant chatter in my mind began to quiet. The compulsion to turn to food practically disappeared. It was as if a bubble I’d been trapped in my whole life suddenly popped and I could finally see the world with my eyes wide open. For the first time, I experienced a sense of calm and peace I never knew existed.
Surrounded by beautiful, supportive people, I felt truly seen, heard, and loved – perhaps for the first time in my life. The contrast between this state and my usual way of being was stark and eye-opening.
It wasn’t until later, when I delved deeper into the science of yoga and its effects on the nervous system, that I understood what had happened. The practices I’d been doing were powerfully regulating, addressing years of dysregulation stemming from childhood experiences I hadn’t even recognised as trauma.
This accidental discovery set me on a path of healing and understanding. It made me realise how many of us might be living with a dysregulated nervous system without even knowing it. My struggle with binge eating wasn’t about lack of willpower or self-control – it was my body’s misguided attempt to find balance and safety.
This experience showed me that change is possible, often in ways we least expect. It ignited a passion in me to share this knowledge, to help others understand that their struggles with food might have deeper roots – and that healing is within reach.
Summary:
If you’ve been struggling with binge eating, know that you’re not alone, and that it’s NOT your fault. Your body is doing its best to protect you, even if the methods aren’t serving you well. Here are some important take aways:
- Binge eating often stems from nervous system dysregulation, not lack of willpower.
- Childhood experiences, even seemingly minor ones, can shape our nervous system’s responses.
- Developing self-awareness is key to recognising your triggers and body signals.
- Healing involves reconnecting with your body and learning to trust it again.
- Change is possible, and you have the power to rewrite your relationship with food and yourself.
Be patient and kind to yourself on this journey and do not listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. You’re not just changing a habit; you’re healing on a deep level. Every step towards understanding and regulating your nervous system is a step towards freedom from binge eating. You’ve got this, and you’re worth the effort it takes to heal!
Further Reading
If you found this blog helpful, I encourage you to read:
“Beyond Hunger: How Your Body’s Quest for Safety Drives Binge Eating”
This article explores the various triggers that can lead to binge eating, deepening your understanding of your body’s responses. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to make lasting changes.
