Binge & Emotional eating is a struggle that many people face, often leaving them feeling out of control and frustrated. What’s worse is that for some of us, we keep trying new things, spending a fortune on finding a solution, but nothing seems to work.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why can’t I stop eating?”, you’re not alone. This blog will shed light on one of the hidden causes of binge eating and provides a fresh perspective on why traditional approaches might not be working for you.
Understanding the Root Cause of Binge & Emotional Eating
Binge & Emotional eating is not simply a lack of willpower or an addiction to food (although it can be classed as a food addiction but that’s a discussion for another day). Rather, it’s a complex behaviour deeply rooted in how we respond to stress and emotions. The key to understanding why you can’t stop eating lies in recognising the role of your emotions & nervous system in driving this behaviour.
Let me give you a brief introduction on the role your nervous system plays in your life and the influence this has on your behaviour around food. Understanding this is key in your recovery!
When You’re in Control
In simple terms, when your nervous system is regulated (by ‘regulated’ I mean ‘functioning normally’), you feel calm, focused, and in control. Overall your mind is in a peaceful state. Some thoughts might come and go but they’re not overwhelming. Come mealtime you only eat as much as you need to feel satisfied and get on with your day. When you go to the shop and walk past the aisle that stocks your go to binge food, you might think about buying it but consciously think to yourself ‘nah, I don’t need this right now’, and soon forget about it. When facing a highly stressful day or an emotional event—like a work crisis, confrontation, or near-miss traffic accident—you typically experience stress for a short period before returning to normalcy. You remain in the driver’s seat, capable of making informed decisions about your actions and maintaining control over your responses.
The Tipping Point: When Stress Takes Over
When your nervous system enters a state of hyper-arousal (fight or flight response) or hypo-arousal (freeze response), your relationship with food changes. These states are triggered by highly stressful or emotional situations, such as working in a high-pressure job, experiencing relationship difficulties, financial worries – anything that causes you to feel stressed or unsafe. While these are normal responses to stress, and most people return to a regulated or balanced state once the stressor passes, your eating habits can be significantly affected during these periods.
During hyper-arousal, your mind may race. You might feel anxious, worried, or emotionally reactive. In hypo-arousal, you may experience the opposite – feeling shut down, overwhelmed, or depressed. In both states, the intensity of emotions can be overwhelming, especially if you lack effective emotional coping skills. Unlike in a regulated state where you can easily say ‘no’ to trigger foods, you’re more likely to find yourself unable to resist the urge to binge. Food often becomes a go-to solution, offering temporary relief and distraction from the discomfort of these intense states. It’s not about hunger, but about finding a way to feel better, to numb the intensity of emotions that feel too much to handle. This is when self-sabotage often occurs – you turn to food not out of choice, but because the immediate relief you feel from eating outweighs the discomfort of facing your emotions.
While using food to cope is a normal response to stress and emotions, it becomes problematic when experienced frequently. Over time, your body learns to associate food with emotional regulation, turning it into a habitual response to stress and difficult emotions.
Constant Chaos: When Stress Becomes the Norm
While occasional periods of stress are normal, some people find themselves in a constant state of hyper or hypo arousal. This persistent imbalance is known as nervous system dysregulation. It’s a condition where your body’s natural ability to regulate stress and emotions becomes compromised, often due to chronic stress, unprocessed trauma, prolonged exposure to challenging life circumstances or lack of skills in managing thoughts & emotions. In this state, your nervous system becomes overstimulated and resistant to returning to a balanced state, making it difficult to find calm and equilibrium in your daily life.
When dysregulated, you may feel constantly on edge, with racing thoughts and persistent anxiety. Food often becomes a constant preoccupation, seen as a means to soothe intense emotions. You may find yourself more reactive to situations, experiencing stronger emotional responses due to pent-up feelings & stored trauma. Even minor triggers can lead to binge or emotional eating episodes. It’s in this state of dysregulation that many people find themselves trapped in cycles of binge eating, using food as their primary tool for emotional regulation.
Understanding this connection between your nervous system and eating habits is crucial in addressing the root cause of binge eating behaviours.
Understanding Your Emotional Boundaries
These different states of your nervous system can be understood through a concept known as the “window of tolerance.” This window represents the zone where you can effectively manage your emotions and react appropriately to the demands of everyday life. When you’re within this window, as described in the first scenario, you’re able to think clearly, make conscious decisions, and regulate your eating habits effectively. The states of hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal represent moments when you’ve been pushed outside this window, making it harder to cope and increasing the likelihood of turning to food for comfort. In cases of nervous system dysregulation, you frequently find yourself outside your window of tolerance, struggling to return to that balanced state. Recognising your window of tolerance and learning to expand it can be a powerful tool in managing stress and reducing binge eating behaviours.
How does food fit into this picture?
It’s helpful to understand that your nervous system’s primary function is to keep you safe. It wants to move you away from pain and towards safety & pleasure. ALWAYS. Even when it leads to behaviours you’d rather avoid, like binge eating, it’s acting out of a deep-rooted instinct for survival. When you binge eat, you’re attempting to soothe your emotions & nervous system. In doing so, it creates a sense of safety & pleasure.
This coping mechanism was likely developed early in life when your options for self-soothing were limited. Your body learned that food could provide comfort and a temporary feeling of security. Consequently, even as an adult with more resources, you habitually revert to this familiar pattern.
Food is a particularly powerful coping tool because:
- It’s readily available and provides immediate gratification.
- Eating triggers the release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain.
- Certain foods, especially those high in sugar and fat, can temporarily boost mood and energy.
- The act of eating can be a distraction from uncomfortable emotions or situations.
Why you lose control around food:
When you’re pushed outside your window of tolerance into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal, you essentially lose your ability to make conscious choices. The rational, decision-making part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) becomes overwhelmed by the more primitive, emotion-driven parts. In this state, your body takes over the drivers seat, prioritising immediate relief over long-term consequences. Food, especially junk food, with its comforting and dopamine-triggering properties, becomes an automatic go-to solution. It’s those situations where everything inside you screams for food and nothing else seems to matter.
You’ve likely blamed and shamed yourself for those moments but fact of the matter is, that in those situations your body is driven by instinct and there really is very little you can control. It’s not your fault that you don’t have the knowledge or skills to deal with these moments (yet), when your dysregulated nervous system is steering you towards what it perceives as safety and relief. This is why, despite your best intentions, you find yourself unable to say “no” to food in these moments. It’s not a matter of willpower, but a physiological response to stress that temporarily overrides your conscious control.
Summary:
Binge and emotional eating often leave people feeling out of control and frustrated, especially when traditional approaches fail. This blog reveals a crucial insight: these behaviours are deeply rooted in how we respond to stress and emotions, with our nervous system playing a central role.
When our nervous system is regulated, we can make conscious food choices easily. However, stress can push us into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal, taking us outside our “window of tolerance.” In these states, we lose the ability to make rational decisions, and our body prioritises immediate relief over long-term consequences. Food, especially sugary or fatty options, becomes an automatic go-to for comfort.
It’s important to understand that this isn’t a personal failure. Your body is trying its best to protect you, using a coping mechanism likely developed early in life. Recognising this isn’t about assigning blame, but about understanding why your body responds as it does.
The key to breaking free from this cycle lies in addressing the root causes: nervous system dysregulation and a lack of emotional coping skills. By learning to regulate your nervous system, expand your window of tolerance, and develop healthier coping mechanisms, you can overcome binge eating and foster a more balanced relationship with food and your body.
Remember, it’s not about willpower – it’s about understanding and supporting your body’s needs in a more effective way.
Exercise: Quick Nervous System Check-In
Now that you understand the importance of addressing nervous system dysregulation, let’s explore how you can start recognising this pattern in your own life. These initial steps can help you begin to understand your own behaviours and triggers. By developing this awareness, you’ll be taking the first crucial steps towards answering the question, ‘Why can’t I stop eating!’
- Take a moment to pause.
- Ask yourself:
- How’s my breathing? (Fast/slow, shallow/deep)
- How’s my body feeling? (Tense/relaxed, energised/tired)
- What’s my emotional state? (Calm, anxious, frustrated, etc.)
- Based on your answers, try to identify if you’re feeling:
- Regulated (calm, focused, in control)
- Hyper-aroused (anxious, restless, racing thoughts)
- Hypo-aroused (shut down, overwhelmed, disconnected)
This exercise is quick, easy to remember, and can be done anywhere. It helps you learn to recognise which state your nervous system is in. The better we get at recognising our state, the sooner we can intervene and introduce tools to help our body regulate itself.
My personal journey:
To illustrate how this understanding can lead to transformation, I’d like to share my own journey with you.
My path to understanding nervous system dysregulation wasn’t a straight line. In fact, I stumbled upon it quite by accident. For years, I lived in a fog of constant rumination, self-judgment, and emotional eating. My mind was a never-ending carousel of anxiety and depression, and food was my go-to comfort. Little did I know, this was my dysregulated nervous system at work.
The turning point came unexpectedly. Through a mix-up, I found myself booked into a yoga teacher training in South Africa (I was meant to be on a relaxing retreat for 7 days). Instead I ended up participating in a yoga teacher training for 3 weeks, immersed in a world of twice daily breathing exercises, meditation, mantra singing, yoga classes and learning about yogic philosophy.
What happened next was nothing short of transformative. The constant chatter in my mind began to quiet. The compulsion to turn to food practically disappeared. It was as if a bubble I’d been trapped in my whole life suddenly popped and I could finally see the world with my eyes wide open. For the first time, I experienced a sense of calm and peace I never knew existed, albeit in short bursts to begin – it was one of the most liberating experiences I had ever felt.
Surrounded by beautiful, supportive people, I felt truly seen, heard, and loved – perhaps for the first time in my life. The contrast between this state and my usual way of being was stark and eye-opening.
It wasn’t until later, when I delved deeper into the science of yoga and its effects on the nervous system, that I understood what had happened. The practices I’d been doing were powerfully regulating, addressing years of dysregulation stemming from childhood experiences I hadn’t even recognised as trauma.
This accidental discovery set me on a path of healing and understanding. It made me realise how many of us might be living with a dysregulated nervous system without even knowing it. My struggle with binge eating wasn’t about lack of willpower or self-control – it was my body’s misguided attempt to find balance and safety.
This experience showed me that change is possible, often in ways we least expect. It ignited a passion in me to share this knowledge, to help others understand that their struggles with food might have deeper roots – and that healing is within reach.
Further Reading
If you found this blog helpful, I encourage you to read:
“Beyond Hunger: How Your Body’s Quest for Safety Drives Binge Eating”
This article explores the various triggers that can lead to binge eating, deepening your understanding of your body’s responses. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to make lasting changes.
Binge & Emotional eating is a struggle that many people face, often leaving them feeling out of control and frustrated. What’s worse is that for some of us, we keep trying new things, spending a fortune on finding a solution, but nothing seems to work.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why can’t I stop eating?”, you’re not alone. This blog will shed light on one of the hidden causes of binge eating and provides a fresh perspective on why traditional approaches might not be working for you.
Understanding the Root Cause of Binge & Emotional Eating
Binge & Emotional eating is not simply a lack of willpower or an addiction to food (although it can be classed as a food addiction but that’s a discussion for another day). Rather, it’s a complex behaviour deeply rooted in how we respond to stress and emotions. The key to understanding why you can’t stop eating lies in recognising the role of your emotions & nervous system in driving this behaviour.
Let me give you a brief introduction on the role your nervous system plays in your life and the influence this has on your behaviour around food. Understanding this is key in your recovery!
When You’re in Control
In simple terms, when your nervous system is regulated (by ‘regulated’ I mean ‘functioning normally’), you feel calm, focused, and in control. Overall your mind is in a peaceful state. Some thoughts might come and go but they’re not overwhelming. Come mealtime you only eat as much as you need to feel satisfied and get on with your day. When you go to the shop and walk past the aisle that stocks your go to binge food, you might think about buying it but consciously think to yourself ‘nah, I don’t need this right now’, and soon forget about it. When facing a highly stressful day or an emotional event—like a work crisis, confrontation, or near-miss traffic accident—you typically experience stress for a short period before returning to normalcy. You remain in the driver’s seat, capable of making informed decisions about your actions and maintaining control over your responses.
The Tipping Point: When Stress Takes Over
When your nervous system enters a state of hyper-arousal (fight or flight response) or hypo-arousal (freeze response), your relationship with food changes. These states are triggered by highly stressful or emotional situations, such as working in a high-pressure job, experiencing relationship difficulties, financial worries – anything that causes you to feel stressed or unsafe. While these are normal responses to stress, and most people return to a regulated or balanced state once the stressor passes, your eating habits can be significantly affected during these periods.
During hyper-arousal, your mind may race. You might feel anxious, worried, or emotionally reactive. In hypo-arousal, you may experience the opposite – feeling shut down, overwhelmed, or depressed. In both states, the intensity of emotions can be overwhelming, especially if you lack effective emotional coping skills. Unlike in a regulated state where you can easily say ‘no’ to trigger foods, you’re more likely to find yourself unable to resist the urge to binge. Food often becomes a go-to solution, offering temporary relief and distraction from the discomfort of these intense states. It’s not about hunger, but about finding a way to feel better, to numb the intensity of emotions that feel too much to handle. This is when self-sabotage often occurs – you turn to food not out of choice, but because the immediate relief you feel from eating outweighs the discomfort of facing your emotions.
While using food to cope is a normal response to stress and emotions, it becomes problematic when experienced frequently. Over time, your body learns to associate food with emotional regulation, turning it into a habitual response to stress and difficult emotions.
Constant Chaos: When Stress Becomes the Norm
While occasional periods of stress are normal, some people find themselves in a constant state of hyper or hypo arousal. This persistent imbalance is known as nervous system dysregulation. It’s a condition where your body’s natural ability to regulate stress and emotions becomes compromised, often due to chronic stress, unprocessed trauma, prolonged exposure to challenging life circumstances or lack of skills in managing thoughts & emotions. In this state, your nervous system becomes overstimulated and resistant to returning to a balanced state, making it difficult to find calm and equilibrium in your daily life.
When dysregulated, you may feel constantly on edge, with racing thoughts and persistent anxiety. Food often becomes a constant preoccupation, seen as a means to soothe intense emotions. You may find yourself more reactive to situations, experiencing stronger emotional responses due to pent-up feelings & stored trauma. Even minor triggers can lead to binge or emotional eating episodes. It’s in this state of dysregulation that many people find themselves trapped in cycles of binge eating, using food as their primary tool for emotional regulation.
Understanding this connection between your nervous system and eating habits is crucial in addressing the root cause of binge eating behaviours.
Understanding Your Emotional Boundaries
These different states of your nervous system can be understood through a concept known as the “window of tolerance.” This window represents the zone where you can effectively manage your emotions and react appropriately to the demands of everyday life. When you’re within this window, as described in the first scenario, you’re able to think clearly, make conscious decisions, and regulate your eating habits effectively. The states of hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal represent moments when you’ve been pushed outside this window, making it harder to cope and increasing the likelihood of turning to food for comfort. In cases of nervous system dysregulation, you frequently find yourself outside your window of tolerance, struggling to return to that balanced state. Recognising your window of tolerance and learning to expand it can be a powerful tool in managing stress and reducing binge eating behaviours.
How does food fit into this picture?
It’s helpful to understand that your nervous system’s primary function is to keep you safe. It wants to move you away from pain and towards safety & pleasure. ALWAYS. Even when it leads to behaviours you’d rather avoid, like binge eating, it’s acting out of a deep-rooted instinct for survival. When you binge eat, you’re attempting to soothe your emotions & nervous system. In doing so, it creates a sense of safety & pleasure.
This coping mechanism was likely developed early in life when your options for self-soothing were limited. Your body learned that food could provide comfort and a temporary feeling of security. Consequently, even as an adult with more resources, you habitually revert to this familiar pattern.
Food is a particularly powerful coping tool because:
- It’s readily available and provides immediate gratification.
- Eating triggers the release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain.
- Certain foods, especially those high in sugar and fat, can temporarily boost mood and energy.
- The act of eating can be a distraction from uncomfortable emotions or situations.
Why you lose control around food:
When you’re pushed outside your window of tolerance into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal, you essentially lose your ability to make conscious choices. The rational, decision-making part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) becomes overwhelmed by the more primitive, emotion-driven parts. In this state, your body takes over the drivers seat, prioritising immediate relief over long-term consequences. Food, especially junk food, with its comforting and dopamine-triggering properties, becomes an automatic go-to solution. It’s those situations where everything inside you screams for food and nothing else seems to matter.
You’ve likely blamed and shamed yourself for those moments but fact of the matter is, that in those situations your body is driven by instinct and there really is very little you can control. It’s not your fault that you don’t have the knowledge or skills to deal with these moments (yet), when your dysregulated nervous system is steering you towards what it perceives as safety and relief. This is why, despite your best intentions, you find yourself unable to say “no” to food in these moments. It’s not a matter of willpower, but a physiological response to stress that temporarily overrides your conscious control.
Summary:
Binge and emotional eating often leave people feeling out of control and frustrated, especially when traditional approaches fail. This blog reveals a crucial insight: these behaviours are deeply rooted in how we respond to stress and emotions, with our nervous system playing a central role.
When our nervous system is regulated, we can make conscious food choices easily. However, stress can push us into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal, taking us outside our “window of tolerance.” In these states, we lose the ability to make rational decisions, and our body prioritises immediate relief over long-term consequences. Food, especially sugary or fatty options, becomes an automatic go-to for comfort.
It’s important to understand that this isn’t a personal failure. Your body is trying its best to protect you, using a coping mechanism likely developed early in life. Recognising this isn’t about assigning blame, but about understanding why your body responds as it does.
The key to breaking free from this cycle lies in addressing the root causes: nervous system dysregulation and a lack of emotional coping skills. By learning to regulate your nervous system, expand your window of tolerance, and develop healthier coping mechanisms, you can overcome binge eating and foster a more balanced relationship with food and your body.
Remember, it’s not about willpower – it’s about understanding and supporting your body’s needs in a more effective way.
Exercise: Quick Nervous System Check-In
Now that you understand the importance of addressing nervous system dysregulation, let’s explore how you can start recognising this pattern in your own life. These initial steps can help you begin to understand your own behaviours and triggers. By developing this awareness, you’ll be taking the first crucial steps towards answering the question, ‘Why can’t I stop eating!’
- Take a moment to pause.
- Ask yourself:
- How’s my breathing? (Fast/slow, shallow/deep)
- How’s my body feeling? (Tense/relaxed, energised/tired)
- What’s my emotional state? (Calm, anxious, frustrated, etc.)
- Based on your answers, try to identify if you’re feeling:
- Regulated (calm, focused, in control)
- Hyper-aroused (anxious, restless, racing thoughts)
- Hypo-aroused (shut down, overwhelmed, disconnected)
This exercise is quick, easy to remember, and can be done anywhere. It helps you learn to recognise which state your nervous system is in. The better we get at recognising our state, the sooner we can intervene and introduce tools to help our body regulate itself.
My personal journey:
To illustrate how this understanding can lead to transformation, I’d like to share my own journey with you.
My path to understanding nervous system dysregulation wasn’t a straight line. In fact, I stumbled upon it quite by accident. For years, I lived in a fog of constant rumination, self-judgment, and emotional eating. My mind was a never-ending carousel of anxiety and depression, and food was my go-to comfort. Little did I know, this was my dysregulated nervous system at work.
The turning point came unexpectedly. Through a mix-up, I found myself booked into a yoga teacher training in South Africa (I was meant to be on a relaxing retreat for 7 days). Instead I ended up participating in a yoga teacher training for 3 weeks, immersed in a world of twice daily breathing exercises, meditation, mantra singing, yoga classes and learning about yogic philosophy.
What happened next was nothing short of transformative. The constant chatter in my mind began to quiet. The compulsion to turn to food practically disappeared. It was as if a bubble I’d been trapped in my whole life suddenly popped and I could finally see the world with my eyes wide open. For the first time, I experienced a sense of calm and peace I never knew existed, albeit in short bursts to begin – it was one of the most liberating experiences I had ever felt.
Surrounded by beautiful, supportive people, I felt truly seen, heard, and loved – perhaps for the first time in my life. The contrast between this state and my usual way of being was stark and eye-opening.
It wasn’t until later, when I delved deeper into the science of yoga and its effects on the nervous system, that I understood what had happened. The practices I’d been doing were powerfully regulating, addressing years of dysregulation stemming from childhood experiences I hadn’t even recognised as trauma.
This accidental discovery set me on a path of healing and understanding. It made me realise how many of us might be living with a dysregulated nervous system without even knowing it. My struggle with binge eating wasn’t about lack of willpower or self-control – it was my body’s misguided attempt to find balance and safety.
This experience showed me that change is possible, often in ways we least expect. It ignited a passion in me to share this knowledge, to help others understand that their struggles with food might have deeper roots – and that healing is within reach.
Further Reading
If you found this blog helpful, I encourage you to read:
“Beyond Hunger: How Your Body’s Quest for Safety Drives Binge Eating”
This article explores the various triggers that can lead to binge eating, deepening your understanding of your body’s responses. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to make lasting changes.
